


To Love Without Hope

by Beammeupbroadway



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Bondage, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Praise Kink, Sex, Shibari, Soft Johnny Silverhand, we're feeling emotional in this chili's tonight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:00:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28683693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beammeupbroadway/pseuds/Beammeupbroadway
Summary: A collection of snapshots of Johhny and V being very soft and falling in love in less than ideal circumstances.We're feeling soft in this Chili's tonight
Relationships: Female V/River Ward, Johnny Silverhand/Female V
Comments: 29
Kudos: 163





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> How do I celebrate writing 6000 words in 3 days and reaching the halfway point in my masters degree? By writing more, like a masochist. I've been cautious of writing for Johnny and V because I'd hate to fuck it up, but I love their dynamic so much and soft Johnny and tactile touch are my bread and butter. All I could think about during this game was how fucked up Johnny's death was and this has sitting in my little brain ever since. 
> 
> The title is a quote from Walter Benjamin, “The only way of knowing a person is to love them without hope.”

_"Or you just wanna hear how he died - soaked in his own piss, neurons scorched by soulkiller?"_

Greyson's words echoed around V's head as they drove out to the oil fields. She could feel something building in her chest. Anxiety, grief, despair all intermingling into one feeling she couldn't describe, crawling up her throat the closer they got. What would they find when they got there? Some kind of half-assed grave? A "shit-smeared" silver arm like Greyson said? Or possibly worse, nothing? She swallowed the lump in her throat and took a second to glance over to the passenger seat where Johnny sat looking even more tense than she did if that was possible, tapping out a rhythm on the seat to relieve the anxiety palpable in the air. 

V pulled up just outside the landfill, hesitating for a moment before she clambered out of the car. Johnny was already poking around, searching for some kind of sign as to where his body had been unceremoniously dumped, but V knew in the growing pit in her stomach that he wouldn't find anything. She watched as Johnny sighed, kicking some trash near his foot and sitting down on an old metal frame. She wandered over and perched opposite, pushing her emotions back down her throat to give him space to talk, if he wanted to.

"Nothing here at all."

V shook her head, looking down at her feet. "What'd you expect? Headstone, flag and flowers?"

"Nah. I...I dunno. A Marker? Something, anything."

V spared a glance over and wished she hadn't. The defeated look on his face was too much, she could handle pissed, mocking, ambivalent, but this was something different. Feelings tightening her chest once more, she straightened herself up and picked up a piece of scrap metal from the floor. 

"We'll figure something out."

She turned to the metal sheet beside her and began to scrape out his initials. It was hardly fine art but given the circumstances, it would have to do.

_J S 2023_

"Better now?" she asked, still not meeting his eyes.

Johnny leaned over to admire her handiwork and nodded. "A Bit." 

_"Or you just wanna hear how he died - soaked in his own piss, neurons scorched by soulkiller?"_

Greyson's words echoed again in her head, and all at once the dam broke and she let out a sudden, loud sob which startled even herself. Before he could even ask what happened she was on her knees, letting out painfully mournful sobs, her face pressed into her knees and hands scrunched into her hair, as if she could pull it tight enough the reign everything back in. Johnny just sat there, watching, not knowing what the fuck was happening and definitely not enjoying it. He didn't know what had set this off, and he certainly didn't know how to stop it. Hesitantly, he stood from his perch and shuffled closer to her, her cries still shaking her body. He crouched down beside her and placed a tentative hand on her back, rubbing slow circles and shushing her. He had always been shit at this, but something was working because she became quieter, the shaking stopping until the only sounds left were her stuttered breaths, interspersed with hiccups, and Johnny's quiet reassurances. Unsure whether to break the silence first, he simply stayed there, repeating the circular motions until she raised her head to look at him, her eyes bloodshot and swollen. 

"Fuck, I'm- I'm sorry I don't know where that-" 

"Not havin' any of that." Johnny shook his head, raising a finger to stop her before she could finish. "You got nothin' to apologise for. You wanna tell me what that was about? Be my guest, but don't start any of that 'I'm sorry' crap."

V sniffed and nodded, straightening herself up and brushing the hair away that had stuck to her damp face. 

"I just- It's fuckin' stupid- I just keep hearin' what Greyson said over an' over and It's just so fucked- Its all so fucked up."

Johnny leaned back and settled onto the dirty concrete, materialising a cigarette and gesturing for her to continue as he lit it.

"It's so fucked up because I know he was just rilin' us up, but just the thought of it all. You just lost Alt, and then you go and get fuckin' killed by Arasaka. All I can think about goin' round my head is you dyin' alone in that chair, how fuckin' scared you must've been, and I- fuck." She broke off to rub her eyes, tears forming again faster than she could brush them off. "I guess- I just wish someone coulda been there, y'know? So you didn't have to be alone."

There was silence between the two, V not daring to look up and see what emotion would be staring right back at her. She heard shuffling as Johnny moved to sit beside her, cigarette gone from sight.

"So all that... that was for me?"

She sniffed, wiping her face with the back of her hand, and elbowed him half-heartedly. "Don't need that ego gettin' any bigger. Not just for you, for both of us I guess. You, me, Jackie..fuck, for everyone who's been eaten alive by this fuckin' city."

He nodded, dropping an arm around her and pulling her closer. She let her head drop to his shoulder and they both sat there in companionable silence, for minutes or hours they couldn't be sure. The only movement being his thumb rubbing back and forth against her waist. They didn't need to say anymore, quiet gratitude bouncing back and forth between the two in a feedback loop. But still.

"...Hey V."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

She placed her hand over his, squeezing it softly in silent reciprocation. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do we sort through our messy emotions? Lots of soft touching and sex being thrown your way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As stated previously, soft touches make me weak, and if there's anything Johnny needs in this damn game is someone to touch him softly and tell him he's okay. Also, enthusiastic consent is sexy, pass it on.

“Johnny?”

“Yeah V?”

They lay on her bed, side by side, both speaking in hushed voices, like children whispering secrets to one another. She rolled over to face him, and he mimicked her actions so their noses were an inch apart, staring at each other in the dark, lit only by the lights from the buildings nearby. 

“You can feel what I feel right?”

“Sure,” he gave a slight nod, eyes still fixed on hers. “All the damn time, why?”

“Like, right now?”

“Yeah.”

She paused, considering this for a moment. “So, you feel what I feel when I do this?” She took his flesh hand from the bed and brought it up to her face, closing her eyes and pressing a soft kiss to its palm, sending a shiver through him. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He just stared at her, as she took a second to gather her plan of action. She turned his hand over and pressed another soft kiss to the back. Moving down, she pressed one to each of his fingers in turn, then shifted to his inner wrist, where she laid a lingering one, looking up at him to gauge his reaction. 

“You feel how I feel right now?”

Johnny let out a shuddering breath. “Fuck, V…” She gave him a soft smile that gripped his heart tight. She rolled him over onto his back and straddled his chest, bringing his metal hand up to her mouth and performing the same actions one more, almost like a ritual. The entire time he couldn’t take his eyes off her, the grip on his heart tightening with every soft brush of her lips against him. Shifting her attention, she moved over to his chest, lifting his vest at the bottom and encouraging him to do the rest. He obliged, moving slowly to pull it over his head as if he was in a trance. Fuck, maybe he was, but if that was the case then it was one he never wanted to leave. 

Once bare, she lowered her head, beginning at his shoulder she pressed soft kisses moving across his chest, then down towards his hip. His breathing quickened as she moved lower, eventually reaching his hip bone. She paused for a moment and lay her head there, both closing their eyes and taking in the moment, every feeling bouncing back and forth between them reciprocated at that moment. 

She sighed, raising her head and following the path back up his chest towards his face, continuing to plant her lips gently at every inch. When she reached his face, she stopped. They stayed there, frozen, staring into each other’s eyes, and in that moment Johnny knew she could see straight into his damn soul, and he was letting her. She brought both of her hands up to cup his face and leaned closer to his ear to whisper to him.

“Close your eyes.”

Johnny obeyed and was rewarded by the softest touch of her lips to each of his eyelids. He let out a slow, shaking exhale. She planted one onto the tip of his nose, to each cheek, left then right, then used her hands to tilt his face forward, so she could press one more gentle kiss to his forehead. When she pulled away and he opened his eyes, her hands still holding his face, he knew there were tears gathered in his eyes, because they were in hers too. They stared once more, their minds communicating everything they couldn’t put into words. Then she asked him, so softly,

“How do you feel, Johnny?”

Johnny swallowed the lump in his throat, bringing his flesh hand to cover her left. He spoke in a voice so quiet, if she wasn’t watching his lips she wouldn’t know he’d ever opened them.

“Loved.” Was all he could whisper. But it was enough. She surged forward and kissed him, as he moved his hands into her hair, around her waist, wherever they could reach. From that moment there was a frenzy of clothes being removed, who removed what from who neither could tell by the end as they both knelt on the bed, naked and panting to catch their breath. This time it was Johnny who moved first, pushing her down onto the mattress and mirroring her early movements down her chest, pausing at her breasts to massage them with his hands, his tongue spending ample time flicking over each nipple in turn, tracing around them as they grew hard under the attention.

“Not to ruin the moment, but your tits are fuckin’ nova V.” 

She swatted him on the head and he got the message loud and clear. He reached her thighs as he pushed them apart, turning to each one in turn and kissing them, moving closer and closer to the centre. All the slow pacing of earlier forgotten, her right hand gripped his hair, moaning like a woman possessed as he quickly turned his attention to licking her folds. Metal hand gripping her thigh to keep it pressed open, he darted his tongue back and forth between her opening and her clit in an unpredictable pattern, now and then sucking on her clit to draw out another moan, music to his fuckin’ ears. He pushed one finger in, moving in and out in time with her increasing thrusts towards his hand. As her movements became faster and sounds grew louder, he added a second finger, moving his metal hand from her thigh to her stomach to hold her firmly in place, shushing her and pressing another kiss to her thigh, as he continued to pump his fingers in and out. He moved his mouth back to focus on her clit and her breathing began to pick up speed. He could feel her heart racing faster as she became more erratic, pushing against the metal hand keeping her still. He began to crook his fingers, doubling down on his attention to her bud and she panted his name between moans, building closer to her orgasm by the second. 

“You gonna come darlin’?” He asked, glancing up to see her eyes clenched shut, face flushed pink as she writhed in place.

“Fuck- Yes Johnny- Please.”

He moved his fingers faster, pushing his face back down and pulling her clit into his mouth once more as she clenched around his fingers, letting out a loud whimper, her thighs clamping around him as she rode out her orgasm. He continued to slowly push his fingers in and out, riding out the waves with her. When she relaxed, legs falling back down the bed, he pulled out his fingers and wiped them on the bedsheet, crawling back up to kiss her slowly and tenderly, brushing the hair out of her face.

“Like a fuckin’- renaissance- paintin-” He muttered between kisses. “If we were on the Titanic I’d get my charcoals out.”

Still catching her breath, she broke the kiss and stared at him incredulously.

“On what? Why’ve you gotta ruin the moment by being so fuckin’ weird.”

Johnny laughed, stroking her cheek. “I’m sorry Sweetheart, gonna make it up to you if you’re still game?”

“Course I fuckin’ am Johnny, not gonna leave you hangin’.”

V pushed johnny off and pressed him onto his back, climbing on top of him again, but he held up a hand to stop her.

“Hey, this aint about doin’ fuckin’ swapsies, I don’t want it if you ain’t up for it.”

She pressed a finger to his lips to stop him from speaking. 

“Don’t. Ruin. The fuckin’ moment.” She leaned down to kiss him again, tongue slipping into his mouth and hands gripping his shoulders tightly. “That the kiss of someone who ain’t game, Johnny?” She asked, pulling away with a wry smile on her face. He raised his hands in surrender. 

“Alright, whatever you say Darlin’.”

She looked down to where their bodies met, lifting herself and then slowly lowering herself onto him, first just the tip, then slowly pushing the rest inside. She looked back up to watch his face as he groaned in pleasure, reaching over to grasp her hips and help lower her back down. They set a steady pace, Johnny’s metal arm doing the brunt of the work as he helped raise her up and down, shifting her to meet the pace of his thrusts. Her breasts bounced as she moved on top of him, and he couldn’t resist raising his flesh hand to pinch her nipple, making her let out a startled gasp, rocking quicker to match his increasing pace.

They both continued to rock faster together, nothing else existed but them, and their whispers of adoration to each other in the poorly lit apartment. He felt himself growing closer to the edge and pushed himself up to a seated position so he was face to face with her. His flesh hand previously preoccupied with her breasts moved its way down towards her sensitive clit, using the wetness already present to rub in time with his thrusts. She grew louder, moaning his name over and over like a prayer, hell maybe it was. She kissed him forcefully, hand pulling his face to hers as she came, the contractions of her orgasm drawing his own from him as he groaned into her mouth. He thrust slower as they both rode their highs out together, breath slowing down, intermingling with each other as they drew to a stop, foreheads pressed together. 

He lay back down onto the mattress, bringing her with him and gently pulling himself out, his mouth twitching into a smile when she let out a gasp, his hand brushing against her oversensitive nub. She swatted his hand away from it and brought it up to her face, ending as they had begun, pressing a gentle kiss to the palm as he gazed upon the face of the woman he had grown to love too much. And they lay there holding each other, Johnny’s thumb brushing up and down against her bare skin, her breath tickling his neck. He reached down to hold her cheek, bringing her face up to meet his, their eyes glued to one another in almost reverent adoration. He spoke again in a hushed voice to her.

“How do you feel, V?”

She smiled, leaning into his hand and placing her own over it. 

“Loved.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! I, a lesbian, find it kinda weird to be writing this I ain't gonna lie, but Johnny hits that daddy issue sweet spot. Hope you enjoyed! feel free to comment and let me know, or find me at Beammeupbroadway on tumblr!


	3. In a Day or Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's 8am and my PhD research proposal is due today, so here we have some soft procrastination for your benefit.  
> This is totally inspired by TLOU 2 and yet I somehow forgot about that scene until after I'd written it? The brain is wild.
> 
> If y'all haven't heard the acoustic version of Take On Me I highly recommend it, not just for this story but for life in general.

“Oh, fuck-” Was the last thing V could remember saying as the world glitched in front of her, the floor of her apartment growing very close very quickly. She didn’t remember hitting the ground but the growing welt on her head said differently. However, she definitely didn’t remember making her way to bed or stripping down to her t-shirt. She groaned, rubbing the freshly formed bump on her head as she tried to sit up, letting out a cry as sharp pain shot through her. She let her head drop back down to the pillow with a huff of frustration.

“Mornin’ Sleepin’ beauty.” 

V turned her head as slowly as possible, wincing at the discomfort the movement brought. She was met with the sight of Johnny crouching next to her bed, a mixture of bemusement and concern on his face. She rolled her eyes, trying to sit up once more but was stopped this time by a hand on her shoulder pushing her back onto the bed.

“Christ V, give it a rest. You’re outta commission for today.” He held up a finger to shush her as she opened her mouth to protest. “C’mon, we both know you can’t do shit right now, Night City will survive without its bleedin’ heart for one day.” V grimaced in pain and frustration. She knew he was right. She watched the world around her glitch in and out, her head pounding so hard she had to squeeze her eyes shut to try and avoid an incoming wave of nausea. She felt his thumb briefly rub against her shoulder before vanishing, and she let out a long, exhausted breath, settling in for a long evening alone. 

* * *

  
V couldn’t tell if she had been lying there for hours or days, trying to distract herself with anything. Old memories of Jackie, remembering old gigs, hell even going over her budgeting, trying to think about anything but the constant companion that was the searing pain wracking through her body. She would never consider herself a quitter, but as she lay there, knuckles white as she gripped the bed sheet against another wave of intense, crushing pain, she knew she would’ve done anything in that moment for some kind of relief. 

Johnny had made himself scarce, much to her chagrin. Not that she blamed him, she was hardly feeling like the life and soul of the party. But the emptiness she felt being alone and in pain in her cold, drab apartment made her chest tighten in the same way it had when she left Jackie in the Delamain. 

She lay there, gripped by longing for her friend, until she felt a dip at the end of her bed. She didn’t need to open her eyes to know that he had perched at the end, back against the wall of the alcove. Maybe even a week ago his presence would have set her on edge, but now all she felt was a wave of relief, shifting her foot until she made contact and was able to nudge his knee in acknowledgment of his presence. They stayed there in their companionable silence, until V heard the soft strum of a guitar being tuned. She pried open one eye, taking a moment to adjust to the low lighting of the room, and peered over to watch him. His back rested against the wall opposite her, his legs outstretched by her side, guitar resting on his knee. He didn’t look up, just continued to tune it, so she let her eye fall shut again and resumed her endeavor to block out her pain. That didn’t last, as she began to hear a soft tune being strummed out. She didn’t recognise it, but she lay there and listened all the same, grateful for the distraction. 

The tune was nice, albeit more gentle than she was used to hearing from him. She was thrown out of her clouded, half-listening state as she heard a voice quietly joining in with the guitar. 

“We’re talkin’ away, I don’t know what I’m to say,

I’ll say it anyway, today’s another day to find you,

Shyin’ away, I’ll be comin’ for your love okay.” 

  
She had never heard his voice sound so soft. It was surprising but soothing, and she let herself relax a little more into the bed as he played. 

“Take on me,

Take me on,

I’ll be gone,

In a day or two.”

  
V still didn’t recognise the song, but listening to him sing those words made her chest ache in a way she knew had nothing to do with the relic. She had grown so used to his presence over the past month, snide remarks as she tried to work, playful jabs when she got a holo from River. Even the thought of waking up one morning to an empty room and an empty head brought a wave of anxiety and hopelessness crashing over her. She felt a jab, Johnny’s foot in her side bringing her back to the present. Stop thinkin’ for once and just listen, V, she heard in her head. She gave a small nod, tuning back into the soft strumming next to her. 

“So needless to say, I'm odds and ends

But I'll be stumblin’ away, Slowly learnin’ that life is okay

Say after me, It's no better to be safe than sorry.” 

V let out a quiet sigh, letting herself enjoy his gentle singing as it surrounded her. She wondered how many people, if any, had heard him sing so softly. He could act the hard rockerboy all he wanted, but right here, this tender, vulnerable side was just as real. It was reserved only for moments like this, when it was just the two of them alone in the world together. She cracked open her eyes again to watch him play as he neared the end. 

  
“Take on me,

Take me on,

I’ll be gone,

In a day or two.”

  
The soft strumming continued for a minute, and she savored every second of it, filing it away in her memories for the next time she needed it. As all good things do though, the song eventually ended, Johnny’s hand resting on top of his guitar as he took a moment to pause and collect his thoughts. Looking up, he saw V watching him from her pillow and his heart twitched at the sight of her soft smile, face no longer contorted in pain as it had been. The guitar glitched out of existence and he brought his flesh hand came down to rest on her ankle, thumb rubbing back and forth against her. 

“Feelin’ any better?” He asked, though he could still feel her pain, muted, in his own facsimile of a body. Still, she nodded, hands coming up to brush away the hair that had stuck to the sweat on her face. 

“Yeah, a little. Welcome distraction anyway, that one of yours?”

Johnny barked a laugh, feeling almost sorry for A-ha more than himself. “Nope, came out when I was a kid. I ain’t that fuckin’ old V.” He tried to sound offended, but the smirk on his face said differently. He shuffled across the bed towards V, lying down behind her. His arms shifted to wrap around her waist and brought her back into his chest. She let out a small noise of contentment, wriggling closer til she slotted perfectly into place, like a jigsaw piece that he’d been missing. There might not be an easy fix for them, but lying there in their bed with the low lights of the city trickling in through the window, his stubble tickling her back as he placed a kiss to the back of her shoulder, she knew that at least in this moment, they would be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading! This was written after I too lay awake listening to A-ha until painkillers kicked in. (recommend)  
> Thank you for all the sweet comments and kudos on this!


	4. I'm still here, love, like I've always been before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title for the chapter come from The Amazing Devil song "Fair" which is my go to soft Johnny/V song

Johnny knew something was wrong, really wrong, when V snapped at him for putting his boots on the bed. It wasn’t the reason exactly, she got pissed every time he did it. He knew all he had to do to push her buttons was to lift one shoe near the freshly made bed, making dead eye contact, and he would have a row on his hands. This was different. V had been quiet all day, detached, only giving one-word responses and the occasional hum in lieu of conversation. There was a tension in the air, hanging around her and growing throughout the day, culminating in this. 

It was stupid. He knew it was, but he wanted some kind of response from her. Anything other than a noncommittal “hm”. What he didn’t predict was that response coming in the form of absolute rage. She threw anything she could reach, cushions, empty coffee cups, clothes lying on the floor, screaming at the top of her lungs that he was an absolute fucking bastard. Holding up a pillow in front of his face as a shield, he attempted to defuse the situation he had stupidly created. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, V, can you chill the fuck out?”

The onslaught stopped. Surely that was a good thing? Reluctant to lower the pillow until he was sure he was safe from projectiles, Johnny waited for a sound, a movement. That movement came with a thud to the floor. He dropped the pillow and felt the breath knocked out of him, panic setting in. V was on her knees, curled in on herself and hyperventilating, hands gripping her hair so hard her knuckles were white. Why of all the times did he pick now to be such a fuckin’ asshole? He clambered up off the bed and moved towards her, dropping to kneel beside her. 

“Fuck- V, what’s happenin’?”

Johnny’s hands hovered around her, unsure where best to place them. He was the one who started this mess, he sure as hell didn’t wanna make it worse. 

“V? Listen, I’m gonna put my hand on your back, that okay?”

If she had heard, she didn’t show it. He was reluctant to escalate the situation, but he needed to do something. Though whether that was to calm her or himself he wasn’t sure. He slowly lowered his flesh hand onto her lower back, freezing in place when a shock rippled through her body at the touch. It only lasted for a second, and she was back to breathing at a rapid pace, slightly rocking herself back and forth. Relieved he hadn’t made things worse yet, he began to rub her back in big, slow circles. He didn’t quite trust his voice yet, still on the edge of panic, so he just kneeled there repeating the motion over and over. Eventually, her movements slowed, as did her breathing. Johnny felt the tension drain out of him as she came down, his circles on her back decreasing in size until he felt it was safe enough to stop. He moved his hand from her back up to rest on her shoulder, rubbing his thumb back and forth at the crease where her shoulder met her neck. The only sound she made now was an infrequent stuttering intake of breath, almost pained, every one of them breaking his heart a little more. He leaned his head down closer to hers, speaking in a hushed voice trying not to startle her.

“V? You hear me darlin’?”

She was quiet, but a very slight nod was all he needed to feel a wave of relief rush through him. Now all he had to do was pray to whatever was out there that he hadn’t completely fucked up. 

“‘Kay, good. Can you do me a favor an’ look at me?”

Nothing. Fuck. Fine, she was responding at least, he could work with that. 

“That’s fine, we’ve got all the time in the world. We’ll just sit here for a bit, an’ when you’re ready you just let me know.”

Another nod. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless. He continued with his ministrations, moving the thumb back and forth in what he hoped was comforting, just watching her breathe. Her grip on her hair loosened, and her hands eventually dropped to her side. The one closest to him turned upwards, and he used the opportunity to take it in his and give it a reassuring squeeze, which thankfully she returned. The calm was a welcome respite, but they both knew it couldn’t last. V reluctantly freed her hand and pushed herself up. She moved to face Johnny but avoided meeting his eyes, choosing instead to focus on a patch of the floor near her leg. While avoiding the discussion which had to come was favorable, they knew eventually someone would have to speak. V surprised him by being the one to break the silence, though so quietly he could have missed it. 

“‘m sorry about that.”

He stared at her, unsure how to approach that response. He settled on reaching across to rest his metal hand on her knee, grounding her. 

“Ain’t got nothin’ to be sorry about V, fuck I’m the one who oughta be sorry. Shouldn’t’ve pushed your buttons. Knew somethin’ was off, wanted some kinda response but christ, didn’t expect that.”

Silence fell again. Neither knew what to say, or if they should say anything. But as much as she wanted to crawl into bed and forget the whole thing, she knew it would come down to this conversation sooner or later.

“Not your fault. Not felt right all day, i’m just so fuckin’ stressed, i’m tired, an’ god- my fuckin’ brain won’t shut the fuck up.”

He knew that feeling better than anyone. He gave her knee a squeeze, giving her the space to continue if she wanted. When minutes passed and she stayed silent, still refusing to make eye contact, he had an idea. Possibly a fucked up idea. Very possibly a bad idea. But an idea nonetheless, and fuck it, he didn’t have anything else to run with. Miss every shot you don’t take an’ all that.

“V? Now this idea might sound fuckin’ stupid, but hear me out, ‘kay?”

This finally caused her to raise her head, curiosity in her eyes, her lips twitching in the closest she had come to a smile that day. 

“I’m listenin’.”

***

This was how V found herself down to her underwear, kneeling on her bed, hands bound together in front of her. At first, she figured he was just turned on at a really fuckin’ inappropriate time, but the more he described it the more she realised that it wasn’t for him. This was purely for her. Said it could help with some kind of emotional release. She wasn’t sure how he knew about this, but she figured on this occasion ignorance was probably bliss. 

“Safeword?”

“Afterlife.”

“Good. Color?”

“Green.”

Johnny paced back and forth beside the bed, stripped down to his boxers. He was just as nervous as she was, but he urged the feeling away. This wasn’t about him. He was doing this for her, and that meant keeping his cool. When she said green he stopped pacing, moving to stand beside where she knelt. He leaned his head down and placed a kiss between her shoulder blades, causing her to shiver. She let out a nervous, shaking breath, willing herself calm.

“You got nothin’ to say to me? Not gonna tell me my tits are fuckin’ preem, or my ass is so great it deserves a ballad?”

He snorted, relieved she was feeling more herself and could crack a joke with him, even if it was just to shake off the lingering anxiety and anticipation.

“Don’t need me to tell you that, seeing as you already know it. For the record though,” He ran his hand lightly up her arm, steeling himself. “tits are fuckin’ preem.”

She smiled at him, the first true smile that day, and that was all he needed to know they were ready for this.

“You good?”

She took a long, slow intake of breath. “Yeah, ‘m ready.” 

He removed his hand and watched as her body tensed up in anticipation. He waited, watching her closely for a minute until her body began to slightly relax. He took this moment to bring his hand down on her ass, quick and sharp. V jumped, gasping from the shock of the sudden impact. Johnny waited, but she said nothing. He decided not to wait as long this time, twenty seconds passing before his hand came down again. She gasped again but didn’t jump this time. Good. He could work with that. 

He waited longer again this time, minutes passed and he noticed V beginning to wriggle in place from the anticipation. If she expected it, this wouldn’t work. So he waited more, smirking to himself when she eventually settled down with an impatient huff. He hesitated til she was completely still, then came down on her left cheek. This time she jumped again. Getting more comfortable with his role, he had barely waited ten seconds before he brought his hand into contact with her again, this time the hardest so far. She let out a cry of pain and he stopped. Dread ran through him and he worried if he had gone too far. He watched her breath calm down before he spoke.

“Color?”

“G-Green.”

Her stutter made him pause. Was this a bad idea? He could stop now, crawl into bed with her and call it a night. Fuck, that wasn’t for her sake, that was for him. He was scared of hurting her, sending her too far. But they both knew how this was gonna go. This was to help her, and she said she was good. As long as she was still green, he was green. 

Bringing himself back to the moment, he saw that she had begun to relax again. Seizing the opportunity, he brought his hand down to smack her ass again, satisfied by her cry of shock that it was going as planned.

***

  
It must have been at least half an hour, and V’s skin was bright pink on both cheeks from the repeated impact. Each impact onto the tender flesh hurt more than the one before. V had begun to feel emotion bubbling up inside, though not the anxiety she had felt earlier. Every smack of his cool hand against her skin brought it closer to the surface, her breath hitching with every smack. The last one was a particularly hard one, landing firmly onto her left cheek. She let out a shout of pain, then a sob which surprised even herself as it escaped her lips. 

“Aft-Afterlife-”

She struggled to get the word out as sobs began to wrack her body. And he was there immediately, unfastening the belt binding her wrists together, joining her on the bed. He pulled her onto his lap and an overwhelming amalgam of pain, sorrow, and loss swallowed her whole. She let everything pour out as he rocked her gently on his lap, metal arm wrapped tightly around her, holding her tightly to him, his free hand stroking through her hair. He went back and forth between pressing kisses into the crown of her head and whispering reassurances to her.

“Shh, you’re fine darlin’, it’s okay, just let it out, there you go.”

It pained him to see her so distraught, but he knew this was what they were here for. She had to get all of this out, and his job was just to help her through it however she needed. No matter how much it hurt, she was hurting more, and he would do anything to fix that. As he continued his ministrations, he heard her mumbling something into his chest between sobs. At first, he couldn’t hear a word, straining to listen, but after the fourth time, he was sure he caught it.

“Don’t deserve it- don’t-”

“Shh, hey.” He pressed his cheek softly to hers “What don’t you deserve?”

She began to cry harder and he regretted asking, tightening his grip around her and willing her to feel the reassurance he was trying to give her. 

“All- all of it.” She hiccuped, her body still convulsing with her cries. “You, this- fuckin’ none of it.”

Johnny’s heart broke into tiny fucking pieces, wanting desperately to tell her how fuckin’ stupid she was, but without making it any worse. This is what they were trying to get to, and they got here. But fuck if it didn’t hurt to hear the pain in her voice as she admitted it. He moved his hand from her hair to gently grip her chin, bringing her red, swollen eyes up to meet his own. 

“You listen to me, ‘kay?” 

She nodded shakily, not trusting her voice to respond. 

“I don’t want you ever thinkin’ that you don’t deserve this. I dunno why the fuck that’s in your head, but it’s comin’ out if I gotta tell you every day til one of us kicks it. You deserve everythin’ V, you hear me? You deserve this life you got, you deserve all your chooms, you deserve every bit of love we all got for you. You got that?”

She wanted to nod, to say yes and have it done, but the wobble of her lip gave away her uncertainty. He ran his thumb over it, sighing. He knew this wouldn’t be a quick fix, but that didn’t make the wariness in her eyes any easier to deal with.

“‘S okay, I know this ain’t magic, but we’re gonna get there. If I gotta tell you every day when you wake up, an’ every day before you go to sleep, then that’s what we’re gonna do.”

She sniffed, speaking again in a low voice. 

“You wouldn’t wake up when I do if the Porsche was on fuckin fire Johnny.” She still had stray tears escaping her eyes, but a small smile rested on her face and he was so damn relieved, personal attack aside.

“Oh yeah? Well, I guess maybe you’ve been promoted to higher than the Porsche, congratulations.”

She let out a small, rough laugh that warmed him to the core. He shifted them so they could both lie on the bed, knees knocking together as they shuffled as close as they could get. He reached down to pull the duvet over them and used his arm to bring her into him, noses an inch apart. He moved a stray piece of damp hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ear.

“You doin’ okay V? I know that was fuckin rough, I’m proud of you baby.”

She nodded, weariness settling into her bones. She inched her face forward, brushing her nose against his.

“‘M feelin’ better now, more or less.”

She brought her hand up to take the one on her face, holding it tightly in the small space between the two of them. He gave it a squeeze and she reciprocated, the action conveying everything they were too tired to say. She kissed the tip of his nose, the only part she had the energy to reach, and closed her eyes, exhaustion finally taking over. He watched her as her breathing slowed, allowing himself to relax for the first time. He gave her hand one more soft squeeze and closed his eyes. The last thing he saw was her face, all signs of sadness gone bar the puffiness around her eyes. We can work with that, he thought as he let sleep take him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> V goes through so much crap in that game honestly she needs a hug and a therapist, but she got me instead so here we are. Hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading! The community on here is the best and I love you all very much!


	5. In the Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> V needs a release, and that comes in the form of River, though he doesn't exactly do it for her. However Johnny is more than happy to oblige and help out in this situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna apologise to the River fans here, but in this house we do not love and respect River so I am sorry.

River was nice, and V was desperate. Not that there was anything wrong with nice, but nice was what you took home to meet the parents. Nice was growing old together, romantic dates by a lake, a cheesy proposal in front of all their mutual friends. V didn’t really want nice. She didn’t know what she wanted, but she did know she hadn’t seen any action since before Jackie died, and if she had to spend every day glimpsing those damned leather pants every day she was gonna have to get all that pent up frustration out somehow. Enter River, literally. 

“And how am I doin’? Do I stand a chance?” 

Fuck. She felt awful, because realistically she knew that no, he didn’t stand a chance. The best he could hope to get out of this was a one night stand and a bitter dose of reality in the morning. But tonight, she could pretend maybe there was something more to it, for his sakes at least. 

He leaned in and she didn’t move to meet him, she just closed her eyes and let it happen. The kiss was wet. And noisy. And so fucking gentle it pissed her off. If she was gonna do this she was gonna do it right. She grabbed him by his vest and pulled him closer, meeting his lips again with more force. He seemed surprised but went with it, wrapping an arm around her waist, the other gripping her shoulder, still too fucking softly. She pulled away, forehead against his, breathing heavily. 

“Just..don’t fall in love with me.”

“Too late.”

Fuck. 

***

They crept past Joss’s room and V mentally made a note to apologise to her in the morning. The second the door closed she was on him again, need overtaking any reservations she had. He barely had a chance to unfasten his belt when she tugged his jeans off, shimmying out of her own as quickly as possible. He took more care removing his own vest, going at a more leisurely pace, but she had waited too damn long. She yanked her top off and flung it behind her, bra swiftly following suit. River hadn’t even dropped his own top by the time she pushed him onto the bed, climbing on top to straddle his lap. V let out a low, needy moan as she ground down against him, letting his hands move to grip her waist as she planted hers on his shoulders. She tried to push him against the mattress, but River had other ideas. He flipped their positions, pushing her onto the bed, but not without first making sure she was comfortably lying against the pillows. 

“Fuck, V, sure know how to pick ‘em. He’s seconds away from goin’ and puttin’ on a Peter Gabriel record.”

That voice had been remarkably absent since they left Joss and the kids. She looked over to see Johnny leaning against the wardrobe, looking infuriatingly smug. And in those fucking leather pants.

“Fuckin’ ghost off Johnny.”

He tutted, wagging his finger mockingly. “And miss all the action? Don’t think so Princess.”

V let out a groan as River kissed down her neck so softly he could have been a ghost. She helped him shimmy her underwear off and wrapped her legs around him, pulling him in closer. But instead of touching her where she needed, he came back up and kissed her again, running his hand gently up and down her side. She huffed impatiently, using her legs to tug again, hoping he got the picture. Instead, he pulled away, resting on his forearms and looking deep into her eyes. This was too fuckin’ much. River spoke in a hushed voice, looking down at her with the same tender expression usually reserved for Nora Ephron movies. 

“V, has anyone ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?”

Johnny started laughing so hard she was almost surprised River couldn’t hear it. It took all her strength not to instinctively gag. Instead, she pulled his face back down to meet hers, hoping if they were kissing he wouldn’t see the look of repulsion she was trying to repress. She wanted this over and done with, so she tried once again to use her grip on him to push him onto his back, but he wasn’t interested. He moved back down to kiss her jaw as he slowly pushed himself into her, and she suddenly felt nauseous and lacking control. She stared up at the mottled ceiling, waiting for something to happen, but River just continued to press in as slowly as he could, like he was disarming a bomb and not like he was trying to fuck her. She glanced back to the corner, but Johnny was nowhere to be seen, and a feeling of loneliness settled in the pit of her stomach. 

Finally River began to move, and somehow she ended up wishing he hadn’t. He kept his face buried in her neck, whispering to her how beautiful she was, that she was perfect. V kept her eyes fixated on a damp patch of ceiling, feeling less like herself and more like a glorified fleshlight River had caught feelings for. She knew this was a mistake, V had no place with nice. With every slow drag in and out of her she drew further into herself, silently praying for River to have the stamina of a hormonal teenager to finish this quickly. 

And then he was there again, though not in the corner like he had been, but sitting on the bed beside them. She should have been pissed, shooing him away, or telling him to fuck off, but all she felt was the familiar relief she felt every morning when she woke up and saw him in her dingy little apartment. He lifted a hand to brush away the piece of hair that had fallen onto her face and tucked it behind her ear. She twisted her head to lean into the touch and Johnny obliged, rubbing his thumb over her cheek. 

“Loverboy not doing it for you Darlin’?”

V rolled her eyes but felt affection bubbling in her that she hadn’t felt all night. Johnny leaned down, his face an inch from hers, his voice lower than it needed to be and more alluring than it had any right to be.

“He’s never gonna fuck you right. Should’a come to me if that’s what you wanted. Would make you scream my name so loud he’d hear you from our apartment while he cries himself to sleep, jerking himself off to your picture.”

V strained not to laugh at the mental image, but it didn’t go unnoticed by River, who stopped moving and pushed himself up to look at her, concern colouring his expression.

“Hey, are you okay?”

She didn’t know what to say, but she wanted him distracted again as quickly as possible, so she did the first thing that came to mind. That, unfortunately, was to smile and give him a thumbs up. River seemed satisfied, smiling and kissing her again, while Johnny sniggered next to them. 

“Fuck, if a chick ever gave me that thumbs up while we were fuckin’ I’d off myself.” 

“Yeah well,” She shifted as River pushed himself back in again, opting to bury his face into her neck once more and placing so soft they made her wish she’d worn a turtleneck. “Bit late for that considerin’ you’re already dead.”

She suppressed a louder gasp this time as she grabbed hold of her hair, turning her head to face him. He brought his face down to meet hers, so close to her lips.

“Might be, but I’m still gonna be the one who makes you come tonight.”

Finally, he kissed her and everything else in the room melted away. Her free hand gravitated to the back of his head to press him closer, devouring him like a woman possessed. Johnny moved his metal hand into the space between V and River, trailing his hand across her chest and pinching the nub of her right breast. She let out a quiet moan, arching her back into his hand. Johnny continued to pinch and twist, moving from one side to the other with a stretch. River seemed to take her newfound pleasure as a sign that he was doing something right and began to thrust himself in faster, though still not fast enough for her. She looked down at him and almost felt sorry for him, but Johnny grabbed her chin and shifted her gaze back to him.

“Eyes on me V, he ain’t the one making you do this.” 

He pinched her again for emphasis, and she bit her lip to stop herself moaning the name on the tip of her tongue. But Johnny wasn’t having any of it, he shifted the metal hand lower between the two bodies, finding her clit which had been sorely neglected, rubbing his thumb in circles over it. V let out a whine, breathing faster as she began to rock in time with his movements.

River continued to drive into her in earnest, making low grunting sounds as he grew closer, but his efforts were lost on V as she stared into Johnny’s eyes, arousal and tenderness growing inside her in equal measure. His fingers moved faster as he felt her growing closer, never once dropping their mutual gaze. He moved to press her lips against her ear, whispering.

“You’re gonna say my name when you come, you hear?”

V was so caught up in her mounting climax she didn’t say anything, until he gripped her hair again, tight enough to burn, and stilled his metal hand, causing he to let out a desperate whine.

“You hear me? You’re gonna be a good girl and say my name. You got that?” 

She nodded firmly, lips pressed tightly together as she tried to rub against his hand. He relented, rubbing her faster and dragging her into a fierce kiss once more. They could both feel her on the edge, and faintly in the background, they could hear River was too, whimpering V’s name into her neck. Johnny pulled away, open mouths panting, barely an inch apart as they watched each other growing closer to that edge. Finally, they both came undone in the same moment, V whimpering his name as her whole body shook with the intensity of it, body arching off the bed as waves of pleasure overtook her. 

Eventually, the waves lessened and she fell back against the bed, finally sated, watching Johnny the whole time. He had let go of his tight grip to stroke her hair, soothing it from the pain he’d inflicted. He pressed his lips to her forehead, murmuring against her skin. 

“Fuck V, so good for me Darlin’.”

She relaxed into the touch, letting herself enjoy the moment. That was until she felt eyes that weren’t Johnny’s staring at her. Fuck. 

V dared to glance up at River, who was now sitting up on top of her, staring at her with a look of utter dismay. She felt so fucking guilty, she knew this was a bad idea. 

“River-”

“Who's Johnny?”

She stared back at him like a deer in headlights, slowly shifting to sit herself up against the headboard. Johnny had conveniently vanished from the bed, moving back to lean against the wardrobe, watching the car crash from a safe distance. 

“Shit, River I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“What was this to you?”

He looked pissed, climbing off the bed and pulling his jeans back on, not even wanting to look at her. She tugged nervously on the bed sheet, unable to find the right words. 

“You know what, it’s fine. If this was nothing to you then you can just leave.”

Though she knew she should feel like crap, all she felt was relief, ready to delta out of there as soon as she could. Jumping up, V fumbled around throwing her clothes back on, still trying to find the words to apologise to him.

“Look River, it’s not you-”

“Just stop, V.” 

River watched her as she fastened her pants, with the same look of disappointment a parent gives a misbehaving child. V felt that nausea rise in her again. She needed to get out of there. She didn’t even look up at him as she grabbed her bag and darted out of the room, not sparing a glance at Joss’s doorway, dreading what she would see there. She all but ran over to the Porsche and threw herself into the driver’s seat, resting her head against the steering wheel and gathering herself and push away the anxiety threatening to consume her.

V breathed in and out, slowly recovering herself from the shit show inside. A firm, familiar hand came to rest on her back, rubbing slow, deliberate circles as she began to calm herself down. Her shoulders dropped as she relaxed into the motion, enjoying the brief moment of respite in the eye of the storm. After a while, he moved his from her back, bringing it down to rest on her thigh. He didn’t instigate anything, just allowing it to rest there as a comforting presence. Once she had recovered her wits enough, she sat up and turned the engine on, receiving a small reaffirming squeeze in response.

“Take us home, V.”

She was more than happy to oblige, driving away from the quiet trailer park and into the blaring, familiar noise of the city. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's that fucking coat honestly, I can't even look at it. And the wet kissing noises. River ain't my cup of tea I'm sorry guys. (But obviously Johnny isn't)
> 
> Thanks for reading! You can shout at me for disrespecting River at Beammeupbroadway on tumblr


	6. Spell Bound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a full experience, a highly recommend listening to The Cube by Oceanvs Orientalis, which is what they are listening to. Thank you ruruie for getting me so pumped to write this, it was so much fun! Have fun you crazy kids!

V and Johnny were both very grateful that not one of their friends had mentioned the ring hanging from the ceiling in their living room. It wasn’t that they hadn’t seen it, or that they hadn’t given the pair a Look once they had. At this point, they were so used to the pair unable to keep their hands off each other, they were just relieved they were keeping it in the apartment. And tired. They were all so tired.

“Heads up!” V shouted far too late, as another bundle of rope came flying into the room, this one whacking Johnny straight in the head. 

“Christ V, you tryin’ to knock me out before we’ve started?”

V sauntered into the room carrying the last two bundles of rope, and Johnny paused his ministrations to watch her. Hair tied in a bun out of the way, she wore nothing but a red lace bralette and underwear to match, coincidentally also matching the bundles of rope in her hand. She came to stand by him, free hand on her cocked hip, giving him a lopsided grin that made his heart stutter every time like it was the first. 

“You got everything ready?”

“Yep, just one more thing.” He gestured towards the record player at the edge of the room.

She dropped the ropes by his feet and went to start the record he had laid out. Her hand froze on the sleeve. 

“Absolutely not.”

“C’mon V-”

“No. We’re not listenin’ to fuckin’ Samurai tonight. You got anything else?”

Johnny grumbled something under his breath about taste, walking over to her. He ignored the record player, turning on the radio next to it. He inserted a shard from the table, and once the beat started she decided he must have some taste after all. It was nothing she was familiar with, but the synthesizer and consistent heavy rhythm had an instant calming effect on her she hadn’t anticipated. 

“Better?”

She gave a slow nod, too distracted by the soothing beat to bother verbalizing her response. 

“Not surprised, was made for this kinda stuff.” He held out a hand to her which she took, and he guided them back towards the middle of the room. Stopping once they reached the rug, soft under her bare feet, he took a step back to place his hands firmly on her shoulders, grounding her, pulling her out of the almost trance like state she had been in. 

“Safeword?” He watched her carefully, studying her expression for any signs of hesitation or doubt.

“Afterlife.” She brought a hand up to his cheek, running her thumb across his stubble. “I’m good Johnny, really.”

“You trust me?”

She did. They had spent the past week researching every evening, curled up together reading books, looking at pictures, scouring the net for tips. Johnny was a quick learner, practicing different knots each day til he got the hang of it. But that wasn’t what he was asking. He was asking if she was willing to be completely vulnerable for him, laying herself out bare for him, trusting him to take care of her no matter what happened.

“I trust you.” 

He smiled at her with such adoration she felt her heart flutter with the intensity of it. He brought his hand behind her head and pulled her towards him, kissing her softly, but with an overwhelming desire lurking beneath. And she gave just as much back, all her anticipation, apprehension, melting away under his lips. Johnny pulled away, slowly, and pushed down gently on her shoulders, guiding her to kneel on the floor. 

Walking around, Johnny placed both of her arms behind her, clasping her hand together against the middle of her back. He came back to face her and she watched him pick up the first bundle of rope, unravelling it with ease, and bringing it up to her shoulders. She let out a long, slow breath she had been holding in when the rope first touched her skin, beginning to relax into the contact. She allowed her muscles to loosen, sinking further into the soft fabric of the rug beneath her. Johnny paused to watch her, bringing his lips to kiss the crown of her head.

“That’s it V, so good for me.” He whispered into her hair. 

Words that would normally set her nerves alight did the opposite, her eyes fluttering shut as she let them wash over her. He resumed tying the rope around her upper shoulders. She felt him going round and round her, finally fastening it at the back. His contact disappeared but she let her eyes remain closed, trusting him to return. And he did, only gone briefly and returning with the next bundle of rope, which he proceeded to wind around her arms and underneath her breasts, fastening it to the other rope once done.

Strong hands gripped her shoulders and she allowed herself to be guided back up unto a standing position, letting him do the heavy lifting. She felt his flesh hand cradling her cheek and opened her bleary eyes, blinking slowly as Johnny’s face swam into focus. She didn’t say anything, not that she would have been able to respond if he had, instead relaxing into his touch, letting herself lean into his touch. They stayed like that, whether for seconds or minutes V couldn’t tell anymore, and didn’t care, until she felt his thumb to press against her lips. Her brain moved groggily, trying to process his request, but finally the cogs clicked into place and she let her mouth drop open, granting him access. His thumb stroked against the inside of her mouth, slowly rubbing across her tongue. Satisfied, he withdrew it and traced the thumb over her lips, wetting them, only stopping once they glistened under the low lights of the room. He tapped her chin and she immediately closed her mouth again, body reacting before her brain could respond. Johnny took a step back to admire his handiwork so far, licking his lips as he studied her.

“Fuck, V. Fuckin’ preem. Can’t wait til you can see for yourself.”

He reached down to pick up the third bundle of rope and kneeled in front of her. Grabbing hold of her side to stabilise her. He caressed his thumb over her hip bone, moving hypnotically slowly back and forth. Replacing the hand with rope, he wound it firmly around her hips, once, twice, three times she counted, using his arms to reach around her, and finally tying it behind her. There was no hesitation as he grabbed the fourth rope from the floor, tapping her inner thigh with his free hand. That meant something, but she couldn’t remember for the life of her what, any thoughts reduced to a quiet buzz in the back of her head. He tapped again, looking up at her with a smirk. 

“Spread ‘em Darlin’.” 

Oh. That seemed familiar. She shifted on the spot, planting her feet shoulder width apart, though she had to place her hands on his shoulders briefly to support herself as the movement took her off balance. He waited til she had regained stability, rubbing his hand up and down her thigh soothingly. Seemingly confident she was no longer at risk of falling, he resumed his job, attaching the rope to the one at her hips, and beginning to wrap it around her thigh, all the way down to just above her knee, ropes forming a ladder like pattern against her skin. Tying this rope behind her thigh, he shuffled left on his knees and picked up another rope, proceeding to copy the same pattern onto her right thigh. 

V watched him work, still in a daze, just present enough to feel the firm pressure of the rope, combined with Johnny’s tender and careful ministrations lulling her into a sense of safety and calm. She knew she was completely helpless at that moment, powerless and exposed under his control, but in that moment she trusted him completely, more than happy to turn herself over to him. 

Johnny pressed down on her shoulders once more, guiding her this time to lie on her side, cheek pressed to the soft rug beneath her. Retrieving two more ropes from the floor, he set about wrapping around her calves. He wrapped her left first, being the one he had access to. He wrapped the rope deftly around the leg. Once complete, he gently bent her leg, so the back of her calf rested against the back of her thigh. He pressed the calf firmly against the thigh, bringing the rope to wrap them securely together, fastening it rope in a knot just below the curve of her ass. Then, gently pulling her towards him, he lay her down on the opposite side and repeated his work. Rolling her onto her front, he brought another length of rope from the floor behind him, fastening it to the ropes encompassing her legs and letting the length of it hang freely. Lifting her off the floor, ever so slowly so he didn’t startle her, he raised her into a kneeling position as she stared back at him, glassy eyed.

He ran his hands over her arms, across her chests, everywhere the ropes came into contact with her skin. One more rope in his hand, thicker than the others, he rose to his feet and walked behind her. She could feel it slide against her skin as he connected it to the others around her back. She felt tugs in different places, the ropes being tested to ensure they were secure and snug. He must have been satisfied, because he came back to face her with a pleased expression, kneeling with her, his hand coming back up to meet her cheek. 

“Ready?”

V blinked, his words swimming around in her brain, mixing with the slow thumping rhythm of the music. She gave a slow, dazed nod, one she hoped was enough to get her consent across. Evidently it was, as he shifted closer, faces almost touching. Johnny stroked the back of his hand down the side of her face and her eyes fluttered shut again, mind drifting further down.

“There you go, such a good girl for me sweetheart.” His voice was so soft and soothing, enveloping her in a haze of comfort as she relaxed further into his touch. 

When his hand disappeared, a small part of her yearned to find his touch again, to seek it out, but she knew to let that part drift away, trusting he would return soon enough. She heard a metal clink above her and felt a tug on the ropes, everything shifting at once as she was raised up, the rug beneath her disappearing. The world tilted as she was lifted higher, legs raised behind her so she was face down, suspended, swingingly slowly back and forth. 

She continued to sway, the soothing rhythm resonating through her as her mind drifted. In the background, she thought she heard a sigh, but she wasn’t curious enough to let it bring her back, content to stay floating, distant. She just rested, letting the back and forth motion soothe her, taking her even deeper. 

The firm hand on her back was unexpected, but not jarring enough to pull her out. She felt a hand grip her chin, tilting it upwards, and somewhere in her head, a voice urged her to open her eyes. It was a difficult task, but she managed to pry them open. Though her vision was blurred, the room darker than she remembered, she could make out a familiar face staring down at her, one that felt like home. Staring down at her was a look of pure adoration, a reverence that made a shudder ripple through her body. 

“You in there V?” 

She shifted her head slightly in what approximated a nod, sluggish and slow. His smile widened, his thumb running across her lower lip as her mouth hung slightly open.

“Fuck, look at you, so strung out for me sweetheart.” The words crept into her mind, swirling in her abdomen with a feeling of arousal that was growing. “You’re good baby, you’re safe, you can let everything go. I’ve got you.” 

She let out a long, slow sigh, letting her eyes drift shut and her head relax into his hand, drifting even further away. 

“That’s it, sweetheart, there you go.” His voice was somewhere distant, far away from where she was, but that was okay. She knew no matter how far away she was, he would take care of her. 

His hand slowly let her head drop lower and lower until it was pulled away, leaving it to hang loosely in the air. And she hung there, body continuing to sway slowly, mind drifting. He placed sporadic touches to her skin, a soft caress of her neck, a firm grip on her waist, a feather light stroke against the sole of her foot. Whether she hung there for minutes or hours, time had lost it’s purpose. Tranquility encompassed her, allowing her to float, to relax, just to exist without any of the worries she dragged with her through her day to day life. It was a level of contentment she had never experienced before, and she knew she could have it now because of him. His tender, reaffirming touches reminded her why, how she was able to give her complete trust, body and soul, over to him to protect, knowing full well he would guard it with his life. She had never known trust like this, neither of them had.

Eventually, she felt a change in the pressure of the ropes. Her body shifted, being slowly lowered back down to the ground, til she came into contact with the soft rug again, body resting face down on the rug. Hands were suddenly on her again, the sound of ropes rubbing against each other as her body slowly came free. First her calves, released from her thighs and left bare. Then her thighs, left then right. He rubbed his hands over them firmly, helping accelerate the process the feeling slowly returning to them. 

Johnny lifted her into a kneeling position, holding her stable til she could support herself. But she couldn’t. He let her lean forward and rest against her chest, maneuvering her around to access the ropes. First he removed the ropes fastened beneath her breasts and around her arms, then the ones around her shoulders and chest. He pushed her upright, rubbing his hands up and down her arms with the same firm pressure he had applied to her legs. Finally, he reached down to unfasten the ropes secured around her hips, gathering them together with the other ropes and throwing them away to the side to be dealt with later. His hands were freed just in time, able to catch V just in time as she slumped forward again, bringing her back into his embrace. 

Holding her securely to him, Johnny shuffled them both backward until his back met the couch, leaning back against it and stretching his legs out. He readjusted V, slotting her between his legs, her own curled underneath her, and her head resting against his chest. Hands now free, he wrapped his left firmly around her waist, the other stroking through her hair as he rocked her gently back and forth, speaking softly in her ear.

“Hey V, come back to me now. Slowly does it.” He continued to coax her gently, feeling her beginning to stir, her eyes fluttering against his chest. “There we go, just like that, c’mon darlin’.” 

V opened her eyes and blinked, the world slowly shifting into focus as she felt herself floating back down into her body and into Johnny’s arms. She gave him a small, sated hum, and his face lit up, shifting his hand down from her hair to cradle her face, just as they had started. 

“Theres’s my girl. Good to see you again.” 

A warm smile spread across her face, mirroring his own.

“Mm,” She mumbled, stretching out her arms above them. “‘S fuckin’ preem, Johnny.”

He snorted, pulling her closer to him and allowing himself to relax back against the sofa.

“You’re tellin’ me. God, can’t wait to get those pictures sorted, gonna show you how fuckin’ beautiful you looked up there. Belong in a damn gallery, but..” He paused, glancing over to the coffee table. “Think we’ll find somewhere good enough.”

She sighed, letting herself go limp against his body, relaxing into his ministrations as he caressed her body. He ran slow touches across every line left by the ropes, pressing kisses into her hair, onto her forehead, cheek, neck, anywhere he could reach. He wanted to show his appreciation. He’d never dreamed in any lifetime, he would find someone who loved him, trusted him so much, that they’d give themselves over to him so completely. And then along came V. He wasn’t a religious man, but looking down at the woman in front of him, he sent a silent prayer of thanks to whoever could hear. 

They both settled into one another, continuing the soft, tender touches, slowing down as they both drifted towards sleep, hands linked together resting against V’s abdomen. Eyes falling shut, he murmured in her ear. 

“Love you so damn much, V.”

He was met with V nuzzling further into the crook of his neck, mumbling, “Love y’ too, Rockerboy.” before she was out like a light, Johnny swiftly following suit, wrapped up in each other’s warm embrace. 

***

The next time they had everyone over, nobody noticed straight away. It was Rogue who saw it first, V watching out of the corner of her eye as Rogue’s face went on a journey, from vague curiosity, to dawning realisation, to the absolutely withering look she had become to used to giving Johnny and V, though it was usually followed by “Hands on the table, Silverhand.” But now she just looked tired, so tired. 

All their friends had very similar journeys, apart from Judy. It took Judy half an hour before she recognised the photo in the frame, her face lighting up with a grin.

“See that?” She nudged Panam, who eyed her uncomfortably, giving a short nod. “I did that! Sent them over for me to edit, glad they picked this one though. ‘S preem right Panam?”

Panam gave her a small, weary smile and nodded again, waiting til Judy was distracted to squint over at the couple disparagingly. Johnny and V simply met all their reactions, good, bad and tired, with a painful level of self-satisfaction. Johnny’s hand tightened around V’s waist, pulling her closer and kissing the top of her head, feeling nothing but pride whenever he saw the photo and knew that she was completely his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a link to a Spotify playlist which has more excellent song songs that fit the vibe https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5mK2IwMsbh58cDP9Ya1YxT?si=lDNsRvIIQgCP1qErFvnEjA

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hit me up at Beammeupbroadway if you wanna chat about how soft Johnny and V are keeping us all going through 2021


End file.
